I have just returned to running after 8 years of not and I’m wondering why I stopped? Why I didn’t try to find the time? I had just run the Reading Half Marathon, my first half marathon, but instead of spurring me on it disheartened me. The first half had been amazing, my running was full of energy, the sun was shining… I was loving it. The second half felt like a nightmare! I hit a real psychological slump as I headed up another hill, my legs just didn’t want to do it anymore and the dual carriageway was the most uninspiring drag I have ever, ever run. Not that I wanted to win but I was slower than anticipated and my only means to motivate was that I didn’t want to be overtaken by Scoobie Doo! I did a final sprint into the Madjeski Stadium and over the finish line before feeling like I would pass out. I guess you could say that a lot of it was down to rookie mistakes. And you’d be right. My longest run had been 13miles just 2 weeks before the race along a canal with no hills and a pub at the end. My training had been in beautiful countryside where I was distracted by nature and so I was unprepared for slogging it out on roads with little to see here, keep moving along! So I let running take a back seat and let gardening take over my running time. Which is no bad thing … considering it is now my business and sole income.

Eighteen months ago though, life took a really bad down turn. It had not been going great for a while, but I think this was when things reached a crunch point. Gardening at that point was still a secondary income to top up my finances so I could afford holidays, days out and treats with my family and friends, especially making memories with my boys. But my main income was in a job that I was beginning to truly hate. I can’t really go into detail, and to be honest the detail is not really that important. I stopped sleeping, I suffered anxiety attacks and depression set in. I resisted medication but ended up taking 8 weeks off sick!! 8 weeks!!!! I’ve barely taken a day off sick in my life, apart from when I broke my fifth meta-tarsal, before all the footballers did, trendsetter that I am.

The first two weeks were hell where I seemed to slip into deeper depression. I had to convince myself to get out into my own garden, but spent the whole afternoon crying whilst I weeded. The second two weeks I was angry and frustrated, too anxious to return to work. But that is when my partner, Chris, came to the rescue. I don’t think he ever realised how bad I was feeling, he has a lovely little positive bubble that he lives in where there is always a solution and I am fortunate that I can share that bubble. Amazingly he jumped onto my mad scheming band wagon and helped me follow my dream to escape this crazy world and find a retreat where I could find myself again. We now have a beautiful little retreat on Exmoor and I work for myself as a gardener with the most wonderful customers that make it all worthwhile. The working in the rain till you can’t get any wetter and working out in the midday summer sun can be a challenge!!! It’s not like I sit in the sun with a cocktail in hand whilst magic pixies do the gardening. Cup of tea maybe 😀 But job satisfaction is 100%.

But that was just the start of finding my feet. Initially I was inspired by a running friend that I linked up with on Instagram after leaving my job. But it still took me 10 months to truly find my running legs again. It was again my running friend earning the Disneyland Paris 30km Bibbity Bobbity Boo medal that really motivated me … nothing like a stunning bit of bling to catch the eye and steal the soul so that you need one! With Chris working from home I suddenly had two days a fortnight when I could explore new countryside. So October 2017 I started to set off on short exploratory runs, testing my legs. Fortunately the gardening has helped maintain a level of fitness that I hadn’t expected and so I have been able to extend my runs, set new goals and travel on foot through some amazingly beautiful vistas. The first challenge was to be able to run all the way around Wimbleball Lake, not worried about speed just completion. I achieved that in November 2017, even after rolling my ankle at the 6km mark and thinking I would be crippled for life. Everyone around the lake must’ve heard my cry of pain reverberating around the lake! But I still managed to carry on and run the 14.2km all the way to home. A future goal was then to run two laps around the lake.

Since January 2018 I vowed to run every other day (if I’m not able to run I get jittery). This meant more road running which I’m not particularly keen on, but I’m now extending my runs so that I can reach the countryside when I’m not based at my retreat. And on my rest days I’m twitchy, constantly thinking about the run the next day. Obsessed? Possibly. I run different distances but I’m now finding that I want the challenge of running further. Running a shorter distance faster is ok but running new trails and seeing where they take me, running further and pushing my legs further is more my thing.

Chris has nicknamed me ‘The Grinder’ because I may not be fast but I grind away at hills and distance. Either that or it is related to his coffee fixation ;-D I’m not that fast but when I do run with Chris or my best running buddy they pull me along. Chris is my pace setter for downhill stretches so that I stride out and I push him up hills by setting the pace so that he doesn’t head off too fast and burnout, that way he can stay ahead of me till the finish, competitive that he is. I’m sure the day I keep up with him or overtake he will hang up his trainers. IN fact he will probably retire just before that happens so that it never happens!! But actually, competitive that I am, I don’t care anymore. I try to run my own race and use him to help me improve and stride out.

Running for me is all about being outside, connected to nature and savouring the moments that you would just miss if you didn’t get out there. The Buzzard flying along the edge of a field whilst I run up the trail on the other side of the hedge … needless to say the Buzzard was faster and more graceful. The deer and pheasants, the herons and horses, the cows and sheep, that I spot on my adventures. The frost, snow, sunshine … particularly the golden glow of sunrises when you prise yourself out of bed before anyone else stirs.

I now feel fitter. Calmer. I sleep. I find the time for me … and in a household where I am outnumbered 5 to 1 every other weekend and on holidays … that is essential. Weekend, what weekend? But a day off in the week on my own to run, now that is a day off! Fitting running around work and life commitments means it doesn’t always fall into step with running friends or running groups and therefore I tend to run on my own a lot. Which is fine. I am happy with my own company. Motivation can be tricky though. It could be so easy to just not run when there is no-one else waiting round the corner expecting you to go for a run. So I’ve signed up for some races, why not? Chris is joining me for the three 10k runs we can squeeze into the calendar. And then a half marathon that, if need be, I can just disappear off and do in July without disrupting our lives too much. But in the meantime I have discovered Virtual Races where you can set the location and, most of the time, the date to run a specified distance. I unashamedly admit that my enthusiasm meant that I indiscriminately signed up for loads so February and March are filled with virtual challenges of the bling kind, as well as hill climb and distance goals set on Strava. But looking forward I am being a little more disciplined, otherwise every training session will become a race … not that there is anything wrong in that but I’m now focussing on those that are more of a challenge to earn, that are for charities close to my heart, that are a little bit different, although there will always be ones that just appeal! And the quirky runs that the British Science Association release for Science Week … next week I plan to ‘Run To The Deep’ in a 10k seaside run with a virtual app descending me into the depths the further I run. Run the Solar System will be another adventure I plan to sign up for. My running horizons are broadening at an astronomical rate 😀

Following other runners on Instagram and Strava is also widening my eyes to other events, support, motivation and comradery. Puretrail have some fantastic and novel events to sign up for that push the boundaries and body. We are signed up for the Deep River 10k on the 10^th March, which looks brutal but picturesque at the same time. We are just aiming to finish … I don’t care about the time I just want to do the best I can. In training I have tried to incorporate hills to get my legs a little more up for the challenge. But we will see. It will be a medal well earnt at the very least. But later in the year I’m hoping to do the Dartmoor Volcano … please let it be on a date I can do!! I have now seen secret running races in London. I would’ve loved to participate in today’s International Women’s Day challenge but alas I am too remote to participate. But next time, next time. I’m keeping my eyes peeled for the next opportunity. I’m starting to investigate new routes so that training is an adventure and doesn’t become a routine bore. And I know there is so much more yet to discover …